Rich's Ramblings

Greetings once again kids as the retro ramble continues. Slowly but surely I will be filling you in on the amazing events that have took place in the world of adventure that mere mortals refer to as my life. As always this will be via he form of a long and difficult to understand monologue so as to disguise that I am actually quite dull.

Today’s ramble concerns the events that started off initially with a promise I would visit my cousin on the Saturday since I hadn’t caught up in a while. Where it actually really started off if you really want to get down to it which I do was on the Friday.

I arrived at work knowing that today was the day of the staff induction, after being ever so slightly yet critically misdirected I managed to bump into someone also going to the induction and followed them instead. Following someone who knows the way being my usual method of navigation.

Eventually the staff induction proceeded and as staff inductions go it was a pretty typical staff induction. The attempt to break the ice involved filling out a form where you amongst other things you had to write something interesting. Most of us struggled on this (I work in a finance department, this should not come as a surprise). I did mention to others that it merely said to write something interesting and not something interesting about yourself but I suspect this would have been a good way to annoy the inductor. As per usual I had to wheel out my standard interesting face where I name drop a semi decent England cricket player who I went to school with from the ages of 6-10 or so.

The rest of the induction passed with various departments mentioning what they do and me trying to make subtle glances at some very attractive women who were here for the induction although I am more then pretty sure that they were out of my league (which is around Vauxhall conference on a good day)

I was actually given a boredom break halfway through since everyone was having way too much fun but finally the staff induction adventure had to end and I went to lunch shortly after that. While eating lunch I noticed that I was actually quite restless. I tried to attribute this to the induction although I sit in a chair for hours at a time with not much happening on a normal working day so I wasn’t sure why. Yet however I looked at it a lot of restless energy was building up and quite simply something would have to be done about it.

Thankfully a solution was provided in the form on Andrew asking if I would like a couple of drinks after work. He may as well have just named a pub and said what time he expected me to turn up. I was still restless until work ended but after that I headed onto Fleet Street and Ye old Cheshire Cheese.

Now this is a cool as hell pub if not one the nightspots I would usually choose for a night out. For one its amazingly old and you can tell they have tried to change as little as possible when you walk around inside. For another they sell ayingerbrau pils which not only tastes nice but is also 5.9% and rings in at £2.58 a pint. Cheap as Chips!

One of the other strange but possibly cool things about the pub is the fact that it has tardis like space. It took a while to find Andrew until I got caught up in an exploring mood and managed to find him at the lowest possible level of the pub. I think were at least one level down if not more the last time we had drinks there.

Upon catching up I got to meet his co worker Janine who is a lovely woman (taken mind) and ended up chatting to her about Earlsfield and Wimbledon since they are areas she loves and I grew up around there. She did at one point mention that she didn’t like star wars though and I had to ask her to leave the pub. We managed to resolve this however.

Andrew’s girlfriend Nicole turned up and the night proceeded with jovial banter and conversation before heading off to the local Indian restaurant to get some food and head home.

On the following day I slowly made plans to get myself sorted for the next session of drinking when I noticed one of the boarders was seeing if anyone wanted to meet up in London for the afternoon. I figured I could do this en route to visiting my cousin and mentioned that I was interested at which point another one arranged things for a quiet gathering where we would consume a small number of drinks.

I strolled over to Covent Garden and into The Nag’s Head. (I was tempted to mention that I had been in the Nag’s head over the weekend at work since it’s the same name as the local strip bar near the office yet I felt it might be too easily misconstrued.) My initial scan of the pub revealed a lack of people that I recognised but as I strolled out I bumped into someone I recognised. This was Sarah. (who may or may not be known as Sarah) We brought drinks and proceeded to find a table before entering into conversation about random things. During the course of the day we were joined by Rullaway Kid (who may or may not be known as Jen) and Twist (who is known as Twist).

Food, beer, conversation and more beer followed and we ended up staying for a quite a while and getting fairly drunk. It was only a matter of time before the games of mercy and the arm wrestling started. I generally make no attempt to play mercy whatsoever and I only do arm wrestling to display a party trick of sorts. Now its well known that I have the strength of ten men but since I have sworn to use my powers for good I generally appear to be a average looking man with next to no physical strength. This could actually be because I am an average looking man with next to no physical strength but I prefer my more rational theory.

However I do have a certain flexibility which can be displayed in certain ways. One of these is arm wrestling where I usually have no chance of winning whatsoever. Yet I can also make it a complete bitch for people to win since it’s near impossible to get my knuckles onto the table. I do eventually lose but it’s amusing for a short while.

During the wrestling Rulla decided to invoke the power of greyskull to help her win and he bicep suddenly flexed to amazing size. Even though I was slightly intimidated I did manage to get a near perfect shot of this on my camera phone although it was sadly removed against my will.

Eventually Twist had to move on and myself and Sarah had ended up staying out longer the planned. We decided to move on to another bar to meet some of Rulla’s friends and head on from there. This wasn’t before Rulla and Sarah stopped to wrestle each other which made for some great viewing and provided a couple more pictures on my now sadly lost phone.

Upon meeting with Rulla’s friends it turned out they were heading into Balham which one again leads me to believe that it’s a bloody small world unless you take it in the context of being an amazingly large globe covered in 70% water but still having overwhelmingly large landmasses. We decided however to head to a Tapas bar with housemate of Rulla in Streatham.

A very pleasant meal was had here before Rulla kindly allowed me to crash in the front room of her place which I quite promptly did. The next day after a strange series of dreams I finally made it up and asked Rulla’s housemate for directions back to somewhere I could get home from leaving Rulla to enjoy her sleep.

On my way home the Ewok contacts me to confirm a gathering around aki’s house that had mentioned a couple of days back. I say I am not sure about going then decide to go anyway. After a lot of recovery time and some dithering I head over later that evening to say hello, drink some beer and play iss pro evo soccer very badly. A fair bit of travelling for the time I actually stayed around there but a lot of fun.

So this pretty much finishes off what was meant to be my quiet weekend. As you can see there was almost no social activity at all. Hopefully I can get another update soon and get back up to date with this.

My name is Rich and by the power of greyskull I ramble

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Shapeshifters, Lola's theme

Greetings once again in the ongoing attempt to get the journal back up to date. I still haven’t finished my work in progress on the major weekend I had just over a month back. Instead I am currently trying to get back up to date before social events run away with me.

So in what may be a shorter then usual ramble today, I present the saga of Sarah’s birthday. This took place because I have a friend called Chris whose girlfriend is called Sarah. She was celebrating her birthday so we went out, should anyone need more explanation on how I came up with the name for this ramble then please email me so I can laugh at you.

Now that I come to remember it I had actually been out on the Thursday for a curry night with people from work. That was a fairly nice night with beer and good food. I got to skip being hungover the next day at work because I had taken the day off to buy GTA: San Andreas. I am still quite happy I made this decision as I got to indulge myself in the game and then put it to one side to deal with more important things such as drinking and being social. Random GTA moment that amused me has to be a muscular black guy with a blonde Afro taking a road trip through the countryside of San Andreas listening to the country radio station. Not exactly amusing but there was something surreal to it.

Eventually the time arrive on Saturday to dress up and get moving and head along to Covent Garden and the lovely yet huge Porthouse. This is a pub that has four floors or so and sells beer with names I don’t recognise. Once again I have just managed to display what a cultured and educated man I am. I arrive early but thankfully not as early as usual. In fact by the time I have managed to pick up a beer I bump into Chris et al only the small outside section of the pub where we are reminded every so often by the bouncer to stop blocking the throughfare to the pub.

I once again make my acquaintance with various people who I have seen before quite a few times but as one of them put it “I don’t think I have ever seen you when you haven’t been hammered” My sober and responsible reputation precedes me everywhere I go. The conversation moves around to the usual topic of women and things to do while drunk. Thankfully it was to early in the day to start betting people that they couldn’t light their cigarettes from the torches burning on the wall just outside the pub but the possibility of doing so was discussed.

After a few drinks followed by a couple more drinks we decide to move on to the roadhouse. This is going to be tricky since a lot of clubs try to go for groups that consist of either an equal number of men and women, majority women or all women. There are two girls and five boys but we decide to give it a try anyway. This was just strange since the bouncer said no, Sarah mentioned it was her birthday a couple times and he still said no and just as he looked like he was going to stick to his guns he says yes. I don’t know if just wanted to let others in the crowd know he was going to be tough but the word of the bouncer is law. You don’t even need consistency, if you don’t want someone in you say no and they are not coming in.

Once inside the roadhouse coats are slowly yet surely given over to the murky depths of the cloakroom and we then head to the bar. I decide to get a round in because the quite a few have already been purchased. Now on my birthday one of the few memories I have is of Sarah giving me multiple shots which is most likely one of the reasons I have so few memories of the night. Determined to return the favour I start getting a round in to include shots. Since the shots look nice I decide to get one for myself and of course we need something to drink when the shot is finished so I got some beers as well. The total of that came up to around £30 but I think its well worth it. At this point I learn another vital lesson about alcohol which that Raspberry kamikazi’s taste bloody nice. For those of you who do drink I would recommend having one at the first possible opportunity.

Drinks in hand we head deeper into the club and eventually stop to enjoy the music, banter amongst ourselves and laugh at people drunker then ourselves. We are joined at this point by Steve (plus one) and Sim Simmo. More drinks are purchased and a great yet cheesy live band plays. Not to be outdone by the band, the club goes even cheesier. Its been a while since I heard Ice Ice Baby but you just can’t deny the greatness of a song like that.

During the night I head off to get more shots for Sarah and I not feeling as drunk as I expected to be which is what lead to the following happening. At the bar I purchase two Raspberry kamikazi’s. I drink mine and enjoy it so much that I order another one for Sarah and drink the second one as well. I take her shot back and then proceed to go back to some of the other drinks that have been purchased for me.

After a lot of drunken banter and dancing the club shuts and we decide to head towards somewhere that will sell us food. During this time I end up giving Sarah a piggyback while she throws pieces of a baguette at people. Don’t ask my why I was giving Sarah a piggyback or where she found the baguette from because I have no idea. We make it to the Chinese place and after waiting around a while it becomes obvious we won’t be eating anytime soon in here.

I mention that I am going to look down the road for some takeout and once I eventually purchase some food my brain kicks in suggesting that I call it a night. I attempted to text this to Chris but I was apparently too drunk to use my phone so I didn’t bother. I staggered to the night bus and went home a tired yet happy young man.

So not as many random amusing things to ramble about as usual but I want to try and write these things down. My name is Rich and as always I have rambled.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Deep dish, Flashdance

Just to let you know about a month back I had a really great yet excessive weekend which I am trying to put into words and still haven’t finished on. In a bit to catch up I am writing bits and pieces and backdating them into place. I will state this again at the end of the post. So if you read this check for a ramble before it called “So I met some people” That should be as far as I backdate.


Greetings once again for the next episode in the collection of rambles I am writing to try and get myself back up to date before the I am overwhelmed by another series of gatherings that composes the social life which I now have despite having no idea where it came from.

Anyway let’s set the scene and move on with things. A week after the excessive weekend with all the new people I met. I was at home and quite unexpectedly bored. As the night carries on I glance over the internet boards that the group I met use to keep in touch and see comments from Beefy trying to convince a fellow board person to go visit her that night. Being curious I decide to have a glance at the train times and find out that I could actually get over to visit in a reasonable amount of time. After mulling it over for half an hour or so, I decide to send a message and swiftly get a reply to head over.

Its getting semi late at this time so I had to consider what I was going to do alcohol wise. Thankfully I still had three spare cans of Kronenbourg to take with me. After a swift change of clothes I head out of the door and make my way over, consuming beer as I go. After a series of confusing phone calls (this is part to the fact that I am still carrying two phones at the time) I get directions from a handy bouncer via the phone to the location of Beefy and friend. At the station I stop to confirm these directions with a very attractive woman for the sole purpose of it being an excuse to talk to her.

I meet up with Beefy and friend (who will now be known as Louise on account of being called Louise) who proceed to take me to the next pub on their route for the night. Here we consume alcohol and chat while Louise shows me a camera phone picture of her breasts. I have to admit I wasn’t really sure what to say in this situation since “Nice Rack” wouldn’t have gone down well I suspect. I do end up having a conversation about breasts though which is always a good thing.

After we finish up in this pub its time to head to Chameleon, Beefy has informed me that this is a slightly dubious club. After four years of uni I can quite honestly say that I have been to all manner of dubious places and feel quite safe in the belief that none of them can be topped…..I was wrong.

The entrance fee for the club with £5, I was to decide the next morning that this was charged on the same principal that the freak show tent in the circus charges a fee on the promise of seeing sights you never believed possible. I was very glad for the pre visit cans of Kronenbourg allowing me to be in a semi drunken enough state to cope with it.

After procuring more alcohol we proceed to chat more while observing people so we could work out who best to laugh at. The prime suspect out of these was a young man who Beefy engaged in conversation and then had dance for her. I don’t mean any kind of erotic dancing by the way; this was just plain flat out amusingly bad dancing. What made it even more amusing is that the guy actually thought he was dancing quite well. I wish I had managed to get a decent picture of this but I am new to the use of my camera phone and it was quite dark.

Other highlights of Chameleon were the semi bet Beefy and myself had to see if she could get the DJ to play some really bad music. In the end she asked for Britney “Baby hit me one more time” although I was hoping for “Oops I did it again”. Sadly we were to both be denied although he did offer to play Toxic. By this point of the night I have removed my glasses to save the potential trauma that could be caused by making out the faces of some of these people with any kind of clarity.

Shortly after this there is an introduction to Ross who actually seemed like a really cool guy. Casually informing him that he was the first person I had met in the club who wasn’t a chav might not have been the best move but he still proceeds to point out various women who are attractive and suggests going to meet them. I have no idea why I didn’t actually go through with that plan since it was such a great idea.

After some more drinks we get some food and a taxi back to Beefy’s since she has kindly offered to put me up in the spare room. After we get out of the taxi I end up putting in the near obligatory drunken call to Cassie who gets to speak to Beefy for a good five minutes or so. What made this really amusing was the fact that for the whole conversation Beefy was speaking in an eastern European accent.

At the house we proceed for Internet harassment of various other board people and I learnt the secrets of google image posting. If you want a happy image then you type in the image and follow it with the word happy. If you want a sad image then you type in the image and follow it with the word sad. I was later to be tested on my knowledge when I was posed the following question.

“We need to find the image of a happy old person called Ned, what do we type in? “”Ned…..happy?” I ask with a slight hint of nervousness. “No its Ned Age, how can that not be obvious fool!!” Beefy replied and I had to concede the point, I hope one day I will manage to prove worthy of the knowledge she tried to pass onto me. This was finally followed up by some webcam action involving the pet cat of the house and the phrase "All I can see are hands!"

Eventually its passing out time and I head into the spare room ready to pass out (strangely enough) This is not before some frantic pussy action when the household cat decided to take the opportunity to use a complete stranger as a pillow. In awe of the natural ruler of the household I made space for the cat before going to sleep. Just to make sure I knew my place the cat subjected me to more of the same when I initially woke up that morning too.

After sleeping in a number of times I finally got up and received an introduction to Pa Beefy. During this conversation he told me more stories about Chameleon which sealed it in my mind as a high quality nightspot that all people should visit.

No random mentions of stuff at the moment since I am in the midst of trying to catch up post wise and backdating these things into place as I write them.

My name is Rich and I like to ramble

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Shania Twain Ka-Ching

It's been a while longer then I intended in fact. Yet after the cries and protests I have finally relented and decided to write once more so I can bring joy and knowledge to the world via my rambling wisdom.

To put it into layman’s terms. I am a damn lazy bugger who has been obsessed with various new games and assorted other things. Taking into account that its actually getting quite time consuming to put one of these things together I have been neglectful of late which I intend to change for the ten or so of you who read this.

So let’s get back up to speed with what has been going on recently. I brought Rome: Total war which is a lovely lovely game. I actually managed more playing time then I expected when the poker night was called off, naturally I was distraught at hearing this thinking that my Friday night would now be spent at home with my new and highly awaited for game. Oh yes I was completely crushed.

I would like to mention that I do actually put social encounters before computer playing but when you purchase a new game it is always nice to have that some time just after purchase to sit down and really enjoy it. However enough of my attempts to explain my computer obsession and back to the ramble.

On the Saturday I proceeded via the location of where the poker night was going to be held to Reading and the birthday party. This was a fantastic night at the Jongleurs comedy club in Reading (strangely enough, it would be pointless to travel there if it wasn’t really) which had some highly amusing acts. I like to think that I am a fairly amusing person at times but it must take a lot to work out a series of amusing routines to then run through with crowds on a regular basis. Not to mention being quick witted enough to ad lib on the spur of the moment or deal with heckling.

The comedy was great and then the floor was cleared away for a night of drinking and dancing. When 2 unlimited “No Limits” fired up as the first track of the night I knew it was going to be a fun time.

Random highlights of the day are as follows.

Getting feedback again on the girl from Cargo which went as follows. “She was fine and you ruined it, all she wanted to do was kiss you and you were more interested in having fun” Sorry but how drunk must I have been to consider kissing an attractive girl to not be the most fun I could have had at that point in time. I mean seriously it just baffles me.

Being told that I seemed to be a lot more sensible now I had glasses with a comment from Sarah that went along the lines of “Just take the glasses off and stop trying to fight your nature” I do joke about being genetically bred to drink but with comments like this that statement could actually be true.

Dancing with Wendy (Dan’s housemate, I was to find out the next day that she was his ex as well) who had earlier in the evening proclaimed that I was the dullest person she had ever met to which I agreed completely. Apparently some kissing was involved but I can’t remember that happening and I was being behaved and neither can she. There may be photographic poof stating otherwise but can you really trust a camera.

The Sunday after we relaxed and recovered, the men engaged in hangover banter while watching Return of the Jedi and the women cooked a fry up. It simply felt like the way things were meant to be.

The following week was pretty quiet aside from the purchase of evil genius which was sneakily released without me knowing. The only thing I really need to say about this game is that you can interrogate someone in a food mixer, bloody fantastic.

Upcoming stuff at the moment is another night drinking with Notdan followed up by a night in London with the cousin and his friends. I know this one could be expensive but it’s usually a lot of fun as well. Not to mention that it’s how I met my last girlfriend way back in January.

On a random note, in a recent call to Notdan his daughter Ezra wanted to say hello. She comes on the phone and says hello, I say hello back and she goes quiet before the phone goes back to Notdan. If only that was the first time that had happened with a woman to me I told him.

In another random note, someone at work recently had their email address put onto some porn mailing lists. I said that not only had this happened to me but somehow they also had my name, address and credit card details before the brain reminded the mouth it was time to stop talking. One of these sites that had been sent to him was a place called cumbarn and I am sure you will have a good idea of what goes on from the name of the site. Now in amongst all of these pictures of animals and so forth was a jar of peanut butter. This lead to the person to say “Now goats and cows I can understand but its those peanut butter freaks who really sicken me.” I had to agree, not only do I have no idea at all what someone would get up with peanut butter but the real question is why they would when there is a perfectly good barn owl or dormouse available.

If anyone does know what these people get up to with peanut butter could I please be informed for research purposes. The only I know is where you keep a dollop of it on your shoe pretending its dog mess and then at the appropriate time of maximum humour potential you eat it.

Normally I always have a string of little bits and pieces that have amused me to include in these things but I can’t remember any of them at the moment so instead I am going to write….well maybe its best if you just keep on reading.

Trivial information always amuses me, there seems to be this world of completely pointless facts that no one can prove at all. This leaves the average person in a position where as long as you keep a straight face and sound confident enough you can tell people pretty much anything.

As an example someone recently told me that at any point in time you are always two meters away from a rat. Anywhere at all I queried to which he replied yes anywhere. What about the DLR (it’s a train on a monorail sort of) where are the rats there I asked. Person began to look flustered and this lead me to question more. What if you were bungee jumping I asked him?

I mean think about it, you are on top of a crane quite a long way up so there isn’t any location for a rat to make a lair. Its not like one is going to follow you around either, to prove the theory the rat would have to be two meters away from you at all times during the jump and how bloody suspicious is it going to look when you see a rat with a length of elastic bands attached to its ankle trailing behind as you ascend the crane and prepare for the jump. I don’t know about you but that would set off a little alarm bell in my head.

Now of course the rat doesn’t want you to know that its stalking you so at this point in time its going to dissemble which is pretty difficult considering the whole length of elastic bands on the ankle thing. The only real option for the rat here is to convince you that it’s actually come here for a bungee jump independent of your own actions. “Afternoon squire, lovely day fer a jump isn it gor blimey leave it aht. Don’t yew worry sir its perfectly safe just take a jump and I can ave a go meself.”
Of course this would never actually happen since not only do rats lack the ability to talk, even if they could talk I doubt the first thing they would do is take on a low quality dick van dyke accent.

This is another on the long list of things that Mary Poppins has to answer for. In fact when you think about it, Dick Van Dyke’s ghastly attempt at an English accent pales into insignificance when you take a real look at the mistress of evil herself. Yes underneath all the songs and sugary happiness there is a being of pure evil and it goes by the name of Mary Poppins. Let’s look at the facts on this matter.

First of all the father is looking for a childminder, the kids bring a list of what they want in a nanny. The looks in their eyes tells us that they want someone they can dominate so they can cause untold havoc and terror, after all its what kids do. Refusing to be cowed by their evil the father rips up the letter and throws it in the fireplace. The kids cry but you know they are already plotting revenge in their fiendish child minds.

A nanny appears bearing the letter that was ripped up. First warning sign right here, this person has obviously already been stalking the house to get the letter and reform it. Obviously the father cannot hire this person so he goes to check the other applicants…..but none of them are there. Just the one Nanny with that happy smile and a look in her eyes that suggests if he say’s no, that he will go the way of the other nanny’s without her feeling a shred of remorse about it.

Despite the best efforts of the Father, the creature of evil is now in the house. Now things are going to get bad.

It starts with her trying to induce diabetes in the children. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down? Not when its insulin it doesn’t which is what those children will be on soon enough if she’s not stopped.

In addition to this she also starts bending the laws of physics which is never any good. Now two kids are going to spend hours of the day trying to fit staircases and other items of that nature into a bag the size of a small kitten. If this happens outside of the house they are going to get strange looks at the very least.

Next she starts introducing them to unsavoury company. Here we meet Dick Van Dyke and the accent that one day he will burn in hell for. Between the two of them they try to convince the kids that it’s actually a great life being a chimney sweep. A half assed song with a backing chorus of magically appearing chimney sweeps does not negate all the bad aspects of being one. The pay is low, you are constantly dirty and let’s face it you are trying to climb up a chimney and clean it as you go. This is assuming the homeowners don’t decide to light a fire and see what happens next. You are either looking at bbq chimney sweep or the methane is eventually going to build up so much that the chimney sweep is going to break wind just one time more then they should and be consumed in the resulting backdraught.

Surely by now the father must be getting more and more suspicious, especially now he’s caught the children trying to fit one of the pet’s into a bag to take back out again at school. The fact that the children are gaining weight and the rapid rise of the sugar costs must also be a bit worrying.

In a bid to save them from the clutches of the psychopath Mary Poppins he takes them with him to the bank. Here the children finally enact revenge, they make an outrageous demand of their father to feed the birds knowing full well that no one wants the vermin anywhere near the bank. Mary Poppins seizes the opportunity she has been waiting for and manages to escalate the situation until the father is fired from his job. You would think this is bad enough but she then brainwashes the whole family into believing that all of their problems can be solved by flying a kite. I have to repeat this again, flying a bloody kite. How the hell do you pay the rent from flying a kite, the obvious answer is you don’t. Mary Poppins chooses to leave now her work is done and the family is completely screwed up.

The parents are going to lose the house, the mother will have to go into prostitution and the kids are going to be overweight diabetics who have no idea how to act around the common people they will now be socialising with due to their change in conditions. Its only a matter of time before Dick Van Dyke talks them into becoming chimney sweeps although they could be too fat to get up the chimney’s by then. Through all of their misery which there will be a lot of, they will have the overwhelming belief that things will be ok as long as they fly a kite. Given the amount of rain we get in this country it’s only a matter of time before pneumonia gets added to their list of problems.

So here we see a family completely ruined by the malice of one woman thus proving what a complete creature of evil Mary Poppins is. It has to be said though that anyone you catch having a conversation with their umbrella can pretty much be written off as a delusional crack whore.

Sadly Mary Poppins isn’t the only one up to no good, take a look at Bedknobs and Broomsticks. A story about a group of people who have crazy adventures on a magical bed. How do you get the bed started? You just have to twist the knob. Its no wonder the kids of today grow up with no morals anymore when they get subjected to filth like this every Christmas and bank holiday.

Saying that though, can we honestly rely on our parents to do a better job. In some cases the answer is no but thankfully I was raised by one of the most enlightened people on the planet. Let me give you an example.

One night we were sitting down for dinner, it was a polite social affair involving the culinary delight of some crushed and boiled potatoes with a variety of differently spiced and flavoured selections of meat or to use the patois of the common people ,bangers and mash. It was during this meal that I was to hear one of the most astounding scientific breakthroughs of my life.

My mother took a bite into one of the sausages, a fruit one to be precise and suddenly the air was charged in anticipation of a potential leap for mankind. Determined not to lose the idea that was forming in her head, my mother took another bite into the sausage. You could see it in her eyes that something amazing was about to happen. One more bite to build up the moment and then my mother was ready to bestow the knowledge that would help the human race in its next evolutionary step. We all held out breath waiting for my mother to speak and then she said the phrase that was to change my life. “These fruit sausages taste a bit fruity” While it wasn’t the key to unlocking time travel or the solution for world peace that I was hoping for, I still felt it was a big step forward. I am hoping that soon my mother will have another revelation and allow us to confirm without any doubt whatsoever that chicken tastes a bit chickeny.

Well I think that is enough for one day, I was tempted to link from there onto the also food related story of tragedy and woe that bears the title “The time I almost blew up my flatmate (by accident)” but I think this has been a more then long enough ramble now.

I shall be back soon to make up for lost time with anecdotes and information that as per usual is of no real importance to anyone.

My name is Rich and people are beginning to realise that I ramble.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Tatu, Not gonna get us

Greetings once again acolytes of the order of rambling. As Grand High Rambler I shall once again reveal the ancient mysteries and knowledge via the medium of an extended and pointless monologue. So if you would like to make yourselves comfortable I can begin.

Once again it has been almost a week (if not a week) since the last ramble and it just seems that I am running out of spare time to do things. In a lot of ways I am not but since I always have a lot to say and absolutely refuse to condense it down I end up spending a lot of time writing each ramble. Thankfully I have a day off today which means I can write something now without it cutting into the normal period of time after work that I dedicate to rest and relaxation.

I also have to add into the fact that I apparently have a social life now while still not really having any idea how I managed to end up with one. Anyway I am still writing as and when I can and I know that all of you loyal readers just can't wait for each one.

As the subject says I got some glasses. Just to fend off the most obvious question in relation to this, no I didn't steal them from the pub either as I am currently reasonably stocked in both pint and shot glasses. I actually refer to the pair of glasses that I am currently wearing.

For those of you who know me (its ok you don't have to admit that you do) You will know that about six months ago I had it officially confirmed that I was short sighted. This was pretty much telling me something that I already knew for quite some time now. My eyesight has slowly been getting worse since about sixteen or so and I have taken my time getting it sorted out on account of assigning most of my money at uni to more important things like beer and computer games. There was a point though when a girl when I couldn't actually make out the face of a girl who may have been interested in me (yes it does happen every now and then), I took an eyetest as soon as I could after that. Now I think about it, this was the second time I went to get an eyetest. I missed the first once because I wasn't looking where I was going and got on the wrong train.

Eventually I managed to get an eyetest and only six months later which is moving pretty much at lightspeed on the Rich timeframe (measured in ages of mankind) I picked up some glasses. This is mostly thanks to Lil' Jen who holds the honoured position of "Sister" on account of being my Sister strangely enough. I picked up the glasses on Sunday and suddenly after the long period of being able to function but being blind the world once more opened up to me. Its amazing just how much I can actually see now.

Since I had a social obligation (for a change) I proceeded to meet Notdan as I had promised to help him move house basking in the novelty of my enhanced vision along the way. I eventually arrive and Notdan's current abode having been sadly delayed so much that I missed all the heavy lifting down two flights of stairs. Instead I had to sit down in the almost empty house and eat pizza with them which is of course made me terribly sad. No one is ever going to ask me to help them move because of my immense lifting power though so they didn't really suffer from not having me there.

They made suitable pleasant mumblings about the glasses which was fine since this is one of those cases when I want people to tell me what I want to hear instead of truth. If they manage to both be the same thing that is fine but otherwise tell me what I want to hear should I make a glasses enquiry. Eventually it turned out that I was not actually there to provide comic banter and philosophical musings and I had to do some work. This mostly consisted of travelling to the new abode and moving things in there.

During this time something happened that I attribute completely to the novelty of being able to see again since I am a clean living kind and honest young man. While moving a large item of furniture with Notdan, my glasses vision happened to pick up two attractive young women waiting for a bus. I continued to look at them purely due to the reason already mentioned and left Notdan to guide the furniture in the general direction of the house. Being quite engrossed I almost back into the door of the house next door before Notdan informed me I should angle round a bit. I explained the situation and we all agreed that I was only looking at the ladies due to me new vision and not because I am a filthy lecher.

I also managed to spot one of the bits of his curtain which had dropped off. This goes to show that I was looking at just about anything that day. The move went well and we celebrated with a beer (just the one mind) before I and my glasses headed home. The glasses wearing is going well and I actually don't feel self conscious about it. This may only be because of how much time was spent trying to get the perfect pair which I think I came close to.

Yesterday I managed to wear the glasses out for a whole night which was something I had been in a panic about. I really do not want to damage or lose these glasses so I did start thinking that at some point in the night I would have to consign them to the glasses case to avoid any drunken mishaps although as we all know I am never ever drunken. Thankfully they actually seem to stay in place quite easily which was an unexpected bonus.

The actual event itself was for Blue's birthday drinks since this weekend is already covered with Fatboy Simm's birthday soiree in the province of reading. Having wisely booked a day off I left work to head over to Covent Garden and meet up with Blue and friends. I would have been earlier apart from the fact that I chose to not wait for a lift at Covent Garden and took the emergency stairs. The reason they are only used in emergencies is because of how foolishly narrow and steep they are. The broad side of the stairs had no railing so you couldn't support yourself if you did stumble and the narrow side was so steep as to be near vertical. I clung onto the railing for dear life as I tried to power up these steps of which there were 196 as was pointed out at the bottom of them with vindictive pleasure. I had to stop halfway up to set up base camp so I could ready myself for the rest of the trek to the peak of this grand edifice.

As a result I was in a slightly tired state when I reached the pub and to add to that I was unable to find Blue. I picked up a cocktail and had a another look around the bar, finishing it quicker then I expected I picked up a bottle of Stella to help me think. Having covered most of the bar I was left with one option....the alcove. Even my super vision couldn't penetrate to the back of this alcove shrouded in dark mystery and terror. I didn't want to walk in there at first since if Blue wasn't there I would look a bit foolish but as mentioned the whole pub had been traversed so I was left with no other choice. At the back of the alcove out of the shadows a voice cried out "Hello", My quest to find the people I was drinking with tonight was complete and I could settle down for a couple of celebratory beers.

I caught up with Blue and met her various friends and work colleagues before the group decided that inaccessible alcoves don't really make for a good party atmosphere and we headed onto the next pub. Here the amazing navigational skills of Blue's friend Barlbro (sorry if I have that wrong should Barlbro herself or anyone who knows her ever read this). "Its a left and then the next right" she enthused as we were all walking along. Five or so left turns later we found the pub she was trying to get us to. Working on the trial and error approach to navigation I wasn't really in a position to complain.

At the next pub where a leaving drink of some sort was taking place we were eventually met by Steve, Chris and Sarah. From there we consumed more alcohol, chatted and had fun before heading to our respective homes where I did make some drunken international phone calls but only because I wanted something to fill the time on my walk home. Good thing I don't know anyone who has an MP3 for a ring tone that has swearing on it really, I doubt they would want that ringing in the middle of their workplace.

With another social encounter down all that remains if to get through the next two days of work (one of which doesn't count being a friday) and then head on to the next set of social encounters. Friday is poker night and this time we plan to play some poker which will be followed up the next day with Simmo's birthday celebration at Jongleurs comedy club in Reading which should be a really good time out. The only bad point in this is that I will have purchased Rome: Total war which I have been waiting on for ages now and I may not get to play it until Sunday. Not a major thing I know but I don't really like to buy something and then not use it for a while, such is the price of having social obligations.

On a last note one of the suppliers at my company has made me slightly suspicious. While I was going through the highly entertaining task of coding invoices I noticed something that seemed a bit strange. My company had been charged for the following "Supply and servicing of three ladies slimline units". Now I don't know about you but phrasing like that can only mean one thing which is that one of our suppliers is a front for a prostitution racket. I plan to investigate this in more detail and I can only pray that it doesn't require undercover work which I will of course only enter into to preserve the moral well being of the company.

I think that pretty much covers things for now, next ramble post social events and game playing.

My name is Rich and nine out of ten people say I ramble.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Timmy Mallet, Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini

Greetings minions,

After the plea's, begging, protests and offers to be the mother of my unborn children I have finally decided to write another journal entry.

There have been a couple of reasons for my absence, the most notable of which is the evil addictive game that is Sims 2. While this may be apparently obvious to most of you, I am sure there are some people who have yet to realise that beneath my charming, handsome, well built and modest exterior is a computer geek waiting impatiently for the next big game to be released. Praise be to the power of alcohol as it can lure me away from the computer in almost every single situation.

I won't mention too much about Sims2 so as not to appear sadder then I already do but I must say that only in a game like this can the following take place. In the initial run of the Rich family, Rich's father died in a freak incident involving some pancakes, bloody fantastic. The current run of Rich is now in a mid level business job and married to a woman who looks completely hot but is apparently quite a slut. How fantasy imitates reality apart from that I am not in a mid level business job....or married.....or seeing someone who is hot but a bit of a slut either. Aside from those small points I think its a pretty close match though.

Should anything of amazing amusement take place I will be sure to let you know but I may just share those experiences with my fellow fanatics. There was a run of the Brett family which is going much better then I would have expected from the Skank. There was a moment where the family all took turns farting though so apparently I got them perfectly.

The other reason that like my love life there has been a lack of entries recently is that I haven't honestly seen too much of interest happen. This is coming from someone who tries to find amusement in even the most mundane of situations but it wasn't really until today that I felt it was time to write again.

The final reason was that I was busy with the BBQ mentioned earlier which I will get back to in a bit.

First item today is Nag's head which apparently does a brisk trade throughout the day. I am very sure that quite recently I saw a couple of school boys going in there and I almost felt a moral obligation to go in and remove them. Had I been offered a free beer afterwards it would have been rude to refuse and I would have been forced to watch the ladies in action which as we know goes against my strong moral values. Sadly my desire to eat was stronger then my desire to find a valid excuse for being in a strip pub and I kept on walking.

This leads us quite conveniently on to a time I was eating recently when suddenly a voice from nowhere asked if the seat next to me was free. I looked up to the heavens expecting to see a manifestation of God, finally catching up with me to talk about my sins but instead I saw an angel instead. Ok she wasn't actually an angel but it was a she and since I was taking up a whole table I shifted over.

I continued to read my paper while the girl made a couple of calls. Sadly one of them was to a prearranged friend to act as her boyfriend although from the very convincing semi argument they had I have the suspicion that it might have merely been her boyfriend. Possibly from the argument that took place, she was looking for someone to sweep her off her feet but she had to make do with me and like most sensible men I place romance right after being well fed and supplied with alcohol.

The real dilemma of this incident however is the fact that while I am not going to make any attempt to hit on this woman since I would most likely have been rejected flat out. I still have a huge bloody double bacon cheeseburger which I am now trying to find a way to eat gracefully. I didn't really think this was possible but I went for a few small bites from the burger mentioned. The woman then acted just like a sneaky woman and snuck off sneakily making me think she was departing the eaterie. I then place the burger (still in its box mind) on the paper on my lap and get ready to rend it apart like a savage beast. At this point the girl comes back and sits down leave me pretty screwed, either I put the box down making it obvious that I am trying not to look like a slob or I just go at it anyway. Since time was ticking and I only have so long for lunch anyway I just tore into it. I wiped my faced with a napkin after though thus preserving the social dignity of the situation.

This story has reminded me of a line once said about me that again makes me wonder where I picked up this terrible reputation. While out with Notdan at some thing for his daughter I mentioned that I gave 50p for my sins during the collection at the church. His father responded straight away with "That must have been a downpayment"

Someone at work also chimed in with the line "You would love Las Vegas Richard, the alcohol is practically free" I really wonder what I do to deserve these comments aside from drinking like a fish at most of my social events.

Speaking of social events I will finally get around to the BBQ mentioned but not before mentioning last week's BBQ. It was a great Aussie BBQ characterised by the line "It's an Aussie BBQ you're lucky if you get meat" Thankfully the alcohol was in a decent supply and it was good to catch up with Andrew again as well.

On Sunday we had a traditional British BBQ. I didn't want it to be spoiled by the fact I had work the next morning so I booked a day off, not as if I really need the current holiday time I have anyway. Keeping things British we worried about the weather and it stayed just on the brink of raining for pretty much the whole day. It was also fairly cold outside but it was a BBQ damn it and you always sit outside at a BBQ. This line of thought lead to everyone being outside but wearing a variety of jumpers and coats. I even had to change my jumper for a thicker one but I managed to cope with the cold in the knowledge I would get vast amounts of food while drinking.

Breaking from BBQ tradition Vicky did most of the cooking and it all turned out pretty well. I enjoyed the kebabs I had even if the stick to hold them by was missing. This was from a small cooking mishap which was more then made up for by the quality of the food. Having started drinking later in the day then usual I also didn't finish the night shitfaced which makes a nice change. We had a nice turnout and a lot of fun, thankfully without too much mess to clean up in the morning either.

Monday was spent recovering but on Tuesday the weirdness happened. The first sign was when I went over to my food cupboard, (which barely earns a right to the name with two packs of rice and two bottles of sauce) only to find that the goods inside had metamorphed into a series of cooking utensils and other household good. I later walked into what is traditionally known as the men's bathroom (from the fact it was almost solely occupied by myself and Andytron) only to find a selection of bottles with names I can't even pronounce let along work out the purpose of.

This can mean only one thing, Katie has arrived in the house. I was't around for most of it due to being in my room recovering from a hangover. However as mentioned before it now means the men's bathroom is no more. I now have to remember to put the lid down on the toilet and use freshener the day after those drunken nights out when I as DJ Mylo so eloquently puts it "Drop the pressure" I am not actually as dirty as I just made myself out but it is taking some adjusting to. The thing that sticks out the most is the fact that there now a pair of gloves hanging off part of the shower. Sorry I just don't get why you need gloves in a shower unless there some kind of kinky shit going on that I should really know about. I don't say that in regard to anyone in the house by the way, its more the prospect of kinky shower glove sex action that disturbs yet intrigues me.

So not seen much of Katie or Colin yet but I think they are going to be a good addition to the house even though one of them doesn't actually live there.

On a final note it seems that robotic stalker has decided to up the ante by introducing his friend and possible relation stupid stalker. The phone call went as follow.

Hello

Is Mr Thompson there?

He doesn't live here

Does Mr Thompson live there?

He doesn't live here

Thank you, good bye

I am not sure what they are up to exactly but I think it must be fiendish and cunning whatever it is. I only hope they call back or introduce the next member of the stalker family soon.

On a final note its payday on Friday! This will be my first proper paycheck from Workspace and I just can't wait. I may have a quiet weekend depending on what is available to do but I am visiting Blue for her birthday drinks a week from today which should be fun. I booked the day off just to be on the safe side. More stuff when I have enough to write again.

My name is Rich and I recently confirmed to someone that I do indeed ramble.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: DJ Mylo, Drop the Pressure

Greetings once again readers. I finally feel in a state where I can manage some semi coherent rambling so it is once again time to grace you all with what I have been doing. I am sitting here relaxed with my back door open so we can begin...the back door in my room to my garden I swear you people have one track minds.

As the title says, yesterday I caught up with a friend. This is the brave soul who currently holds the title of oldest friend since I have known him about nine years now which is getting to be a scary amount of time. I suppose I should give a name to this person so that you have something to refer to him by when you discuss this ramble with your friends. So when they ask "Who is this person the fantastic Rich (that makes me sound like a magician, but then again I do have a talent for making alcohol disappear) caught up with?" You may answer with "Notdan".

This nickname came about some time back when I was talking to another dan, about this dan. From that sentence you can already imagine the confusion I suspect. If you then add in that it was me talking this leaves us with a state of complete chaos. So to mitigate this I decided to call one of the dan's Notdan which I feel was a simple yet brilliant solution to the problem.

So once I finished work I headed off via the glorious network of trains that is London Underground to Borough which is near London Bridge. Having looked on the amazing beer in the evening site for pubs in that area I managed to locate one and in a more impressive turn of events managed to find it without walking the wrong way three or four times first.

I walk into the pub (The Blue Eyed maid) and I get a bad vibe about it. Not one of those "I think this place was built on an old burial ground" vibes thankfully but it didn't seem fun. Yes I was taking into account at the time that it was 6pm at night and still pretty early.

However there is no fruit machine which is an immediate problem. This is not because I am a big gambling alcoholic (I am a small gambling drunk) but because I have once again taken out "The change". When Brett was over here living it up in London he gathered up a lot of change which he kindly passed onto to me when he went home. There was literally about £16 pounds worth of change and I won't complain about free money but I had no idea what I was going to do with it. Yes there are the various options of changing it up in a bank or using it day by day for bits and pieces but they all seem far too sensible.

Instead I decided to just put it all into a fruit machine and see how much money I could win. I originally planned to do this on the night I went to Cargo but I somehow managed to not go anywhere near a fruit machine which is about as likely as me going into a pub and not ordering any alcohol. In addition to this I had all the change in a money bag in my pocket which was causing the boxers to ride up and chafe my man parts. There was simply no way I was not using a fruit machine before the end of the night.

Notdan puts in a call saying he's going to be about 30 mins late so I finish up the pint and start walking down the road and I go past a place called Belushi's and then get a good vibe about it and decide to go inside. No this wasn't a "I am pretty sure this place isn't built on a burial ground" good vibe either, it just seemed like a cool place.

Upon walking into the pub I look around and think to myself "I have been here drunk before" Despite what some of you may be thinking at the moment this is not something that applies to every pub in London but give me time. I get another pint, text Notdan on where I am and head for the machine of fruit. I managed to empty the whole bag of change and did put in a small amount of my own personal money (one pound) and came out with.....£11. Since I had spent some bits and pieces of the change on lunch and stuff I counted this to be breaking even at worst case and a couple of quid up at best. The change is now in an easier to use form, I had fun and no more chafe on the man parts.

When I finish up here I go to read the paper for a bit in the hope that it will make me look intellectual until Notdan turns up. We then proceed to talk crap and enjoy ourselves for the night until Notdan has to go home and I once again decide to stay and have "One for the road" I ended up talking to a couple of randoms over the course of the next hour or so before once again putting myself in a taxi after some furious haggling over price. I get home with a new shot glass making another drunken call to Cassie on the way.

All in all, another good night to be followed up today with a more chilled out affair as I head over to the bohemian part of London known as Balham for a BBQ. This is an Aussie BBQ so I have high expectations though.

Since I have mentioned I would do this to some people I have to decided to start a couple of lists. The first of which is "tell tale signs that you are drunk".

1. When you end up in a dance off against another man to Missy Elliot "Get your freak on"

The worst thing about that was that I can't dance and I still destroyed the other guy, actually the worst thing is that I secretly take pride in the fact that I did.

2. When you walk past a random group of people and they start shouting "Its Rich!"

I have to admit to being semi worried over that one but it would have been rude to ignore the fans like that. This happened yesterday by the way

I will add to this over time as I either think of or do more things, knowing me I suspect it will be doing them.

The second list is also from personal experience and bears the title "Signs that you had a really good night out"

1. When you have difficulty with the most basic of tasks such as putting your pants on.

I did manage it in the end because its too chilly to go commando.

Ok more an item as opposed to a list but again give me time.

Well that covers up the most eventful happenings recently but I would like to mention the robotic stalker.

A couple of days ago I received a call on the house phone. I am still not sure if it was man or machine because the voice did sound pretty weird and robotic. The conversation went as thus.

Is Mr.Thompson there?

No

Is Mr.Thompson the homeowner?

No

Are you the homeowner?

No

Is the homeowner there?

No

Is the homeowner's partner there?

No

I will call back later, resistance is futile.

(Robotic stalker hangs up)

As you can see it was quite an interesting conversation and I haven't been stalked by a robot before although my computer has been a bit psychopathic recently. At night there is this little orange light in about the position where the right eye would be which I find just a little freaky. This isn't as freaky as Yanosh's old computer that he lent me for a year or so which used to randomly turn itself on (I should name it Cassie). I still have no idea why it did that either. Hopefully robotic stalker will call back soon and I can talk more.

Random work related comment which made me worry slightly about the work party last Friday although its been a week without anything bad being mentioned so I am feeling pretty safe.

A guy is introducing a new employee and can't remember Nicola's name (she has been there three months) but manages to remember mine. Nicola asks him why he can remember my name and not hers to which he replies "After Friday how could I forget" I had to admit to a slight moment of panic after that.

Oh I am also trying to do some basic exercises once a day which I doubt will have any real effect but I feel good about making the effort. I only mention this because my legs feel a little stiff at the moment so should anyone see me walking a little strangely its because of the exercise. Now you know you don't have to worry that I have been anally violated multiple times or anything because its always a difficult question to subtly bring into a conversation.

Random thought of the day before I head off. "What a great shot glass, if only I could remember what I drank out of it"

My name is Rich and people tell me that I Ramble.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Chas and Dave, Rabbit

Sing out with joy for once again I have put hand to keyboard to bring enlightenment to the masses in the form of inane banter...actually I doubt this is worthy of the title banter since its closer to drivel.

This journal entry finds our intrepid writer bruised, battered and tired after a monumental and unexpected time spent cleaning and rearranging my room. At the risk of sounding even more feminine I believe the room is a lot more spacious now. Overall I am quite happy about the new state of affairs but it was a bit too time consuming for my liking.

In a break from tradition since a journal a month old of course qualifies for having traditions. I am going to make a reference to the subject line a little later in the ramble. I wouldn't get excited or anything since it really isn't that interesting...but neither is the rest of the journal and some of you are still here reading this...well at least I like to think you are.

Big news at the moment is that a housemate has finally been found, the new arrival will be answering to the name of Katie (YAY!) but will also mean that a new regular figure around the house will be the boyfriend Colin (BOO!). As mentioned in a previous post though women in the house are pretty much off limits the same way that most women at work are. This is even assuming there are women out there blind enough to find me attractive. I saw Katie yesterday and she seemed pretty cool and despite how I come across at times in the journal I will be a perfect gentlemen when she moves in because anything else would just be too much hassle.

So nice to have the house full again and I will let you know how things go with that, hopefully we are having a BBQ again soon though.

Lunch update!

Once again I have been scouring the eateries of Whitechapel looking for places that not only serve good food but are frequented by hot women. On my way back from the fairly decent McB's I managed to see what passed for an American deli/diner. One of the really fond memories I have of when I was in New York was the food. In a lot of cases I found the food to be better prepared, in bigger portions, served by nicer people and cheaper once you work out the currency exchange and stuff. I know that tipping is expected in that country unlike over here but a lot of the time I was quite happy to tip the people serving me food. Its also cool how just about everything you eat can just be taken away if you want to save some for later.

Anyway after that tangent back to the eaterie previously mentioned. I have been in this place twice now and have yet to go all out on the more American inspired parts of the menu. However they do a very nice bacon burger as well as a chicken burger. I still think I might prefer the double bacon cheese at Laurintha's but I like this place more for some reason, it just has that je ne sais quoi.

McB's is also still in the running because it attracts more women but I learnt a very vital lessons yesterday. Do not go into a sandwich shop and order a burger because what they will do is prepare a bun in pretty much the same way they normally would and then just put a burger in there. I managed to eat the whole cheese burger there but I can't really say that I enjoyed it.

So for those of you in the Whitechapel area (those of you who don't have restraining orders on me please, it would make it difficult to eat without getting arrested) here are another set of master navigator directions to the new eaterie.

Walk out of McB's and cross the road, walk up and its on the right. I don't want anyone complaining about getting lost now.

So I was chased yesterday in a moment of great panic. Don't worry yourself loyal readers, I wasn't running for life in fear that muggers would set upon me and steal all my worldly goods. You can also hold back your shock as I tell you that it wasn't an angry reader coming to give me some very physical and constructive criticism. You can sing in joy (or despair) as I tell you that the rambles will continue!

What I was actually chased by was the psycho drugged moth from hell. This was some crazy ass huge moth that was flying around my room and did not stop moving once. It just kept on crashing into all kinds of shit around the room and went on going. It accidentally managed to chase me around the room so that the freaky thing didn't land on me. I say accidentally since I am sure it was too drugged up to actually know where it was going.

I managed to open the back door to the garden I have in my room and after a couple more drugged up passes around the room it managed to fly out the door but this was not to be the end of my insect troubles! Just as it flew out of the room a spider snuck in at great speed, no doubt looking to terrorise the household in that freaky eight legged way that only a spider can. Luckily I was still holding the pint glass of justice (from my earlier hope that drugged up pyscho moth would stop moving for even half a second) and moving with great speed and agility trapped the spider which paused to shake three of the pincers of wrath at me in defiance.

Next we entered into a titanic battle of wills. Myself and my foe realised that I had unwittingly positioned myself in an area where I was unable to reach a suitable piece of paper/card to seal the glass off, thus allowing for safe transport of the captive terror. The spider lurked near the top of the glass ready to escape but it didn't count on the power of my dullness. I was quite happy to stand there for an age of mankind holding the glass as it was pretty much the most interesting thing I had done that night anyway.

Eventually the spider submitted though, it crawled a suitable distance back into the glass then paused to spin a tiny white flag signifying my victory. I proceeded to place the glass just outside the back door and the spider departed, announcing in its sibilant spider language that I had merely won the battle not the war. I locked up and went to bed to have a victory nap.

In other news I was walking back from lunch today and I saw this old man combing his hair in a bid to smarten himself up with little success. He then walked straight into The Nag's Head which amused me tremendously. I am sure those vital seconds of combing will ensure that one of the girls there completely forgets about earning money from stripping for the day to go have wild age gap sex. I suspect he might be a regular as well.

Well that pretty much bring me to the end of things today. I did have some more stuff to mention I think but I am pretty rambled out for now so I will save them for another time.

My name is rich and I have this ability to ramble

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Simple plan, addicted to you

Greetings loyal readers, unloyal readers and those who have merely stumbled upon this page by accident. A big rambling entry (for a change) today as I have a lot to talk about....ok I actually have very little to talk about I just take a lot of time to say it.

As the title states, the brave and intrepid writer of this journal did indeed go to a strip club. I was unsure at first on if I was going to mention this or not but then I decided that it just simply had to be mentioned.

This sinful and shameful event took place on the day of the poker night, which was a pretty good poker night apart from the fact that we didn't play any poker.

Instead after taking an age of mankind to get to my friend's house (curse you silverlink, or as I prefer to think of them silverwank), we head to the pub to watch the dismal display that could also be referred to as the England match. The boys once again managed to snatch a draw from the jaws of victory, lead boldly by the glorious David "Clamity" James. Someone needs to explain to this man that the concept of a goalkeeper is to keep the other team from scoring goals since he seems unaware of this.

After the match we settle down to drink more beer and talk crap at each other in overly loud voices with a large degree of success. At some point during this conversation Aki mentions the strip club and Steve says he has never been to one before. This is quickly followed up by mutters along the same lines by the rest of us while we avoid making eye contact.

Having drunk a lot we quickly decide to go for a laugh and proceed post haste to the club of strippery. Sadly the Ewok is being his usual unkempt self and they won't let him in. Unwilling to be stopped we head back to HQ and Ewok changes clothes while we repeat the already tried and tested formula from the pub of drinking beer and talking crap at each other in overly loud voices. Once again to a large degree of success.

Now decently attired we head back and this time gain access to the club. As expected the drinks are outrageously priced (but not as bad as they could have been) with a round of four bottles ringing in at £16. The actual women are a mixture of attractive girls, those relying on their implants and a couple who are hanging around in case anyone with a mature ladies fetish comes in. Also the club is topless only. (A very good thing in some cases) Something else the club is, is completely unerotic at all. In certain places (so I hear) the girl dancing goes round prior to this and people give them money. (depending on the quality of the place or the girl) Here the girls were only making money from private dances I think which meant that on the public ones they didn't really make that much effort. I also saw what looked like in some cases, a girl being semi walked/dragged over to a group and just deposited there to do her thing. This was by the people running the club.

I will quite happily admit to saying that in most cases I actually looked away from the person dancing to talk to my friends instead. There were also a number of girls trailing around the various groups of men in there like wolves waiting for someone to weaken enough to pay for a private dance. I understand these people have a role to fulfill but it can get amusing watching them feign interest when I tell them about my work in finance, or ewok talking about his IT job. In once case I did forget my manners and a girl came up to me and things proceeded thus. She turned up, I said no before she had a chance to speak, I turned back to talk to my friends.

Ewok was still a little peeved about the earlier comments on his threads and didn't seem to be getting into the swing of things. While he wasn't looking I brought a dance for him with some garbled instructions to the woman, who most likely had the same kind of thoughts I would have if someone offered to teach me to be sarcastic. The look on his face as the woman unexpectedly picked him up and took him away was more then worth the cost. He came back claiming to not have enjoyed the dance though which I didn't believe until later in the night.

There was one really attractive woman who Aki paid for a dance with, followed right after by Steve and almost myself but I had decided I wasn't actually going to buy any dances for myself and refuse. I think I should have taken her up on the offer though since she was much better looking then the later offering.

Towards the end of the night Steve pays for me to have a dance so I go along. Sure the woman looked nice but it simply did nothing for me at all. I just tried to look interested although I doubt she really cared since the money was hers anyway. If I was to sum up the dance in a couple of words it would be unerotic rubbish.

Steve had one more dance before he left which I did pay for but I will get the money back next time I see him so that is all good.

On my last few points to mention about this, the most attractive and sexually appealing woman I saw that night was ironically the girl working the bar. This was just a lovely girl in some jeans and a t-shirt which possibly suggests a lot about the place. At the risk of sounding like I have emotions as well, I can say that there are simple things like the touch of a loved one that are far more arousing then anything I experienced in that club. I think that provides a lesson for us all about strip clubs in that you should make sure you go to good ones.

After that we headed home where I put in yet another drunken call to Cassie who got to say hello to some of my friends. This was only to prove that I actually had some. We then passed out on the nearest floor/sofa until the Sunday where for a change I woke up with a hangover. I was actually asked that day if there had been a Sunday recently where I had woken up without one...it would have been good if I could have said no.

So another poker night is being planned and we may even play poker on this one. I will be sure to keep whoever is still reading this informed.

The call to Cassie made me think about something that would be a valuable invention for everyone. So anyone who thinks they can patent this should get cracking now because its a surefire winner. My idea is to have a phone that can somehow detect your blood sugar level, once this reaches above a certain point it will automatically block all expensive international numbers, ex girlfriends, line managers or higher from work and girls who you suddenly just have to call because nothing sounds more impressive then someone after they have drunk 10+ pints (alter according to tolerance, in Brett's case 1).

Anyway this would stop people from making all those calls that they will wake up in the morning just knowing they should not have made even if they are sometimes amusing such as for example when a person who will not be named called an american who will not be named to state that they were lost. After all who else is going to give you good directions but an American who has never seen the part of town you are actually in.

As you can see its a surefire winner but for those of you who feel its too complex I have an easier idea that would not generate as much acclaim. Something needs to be done so that boxers or underwear in general will adjust as you move to stop situations where your underwear is playing the how much material can one person get in the crack of their arse game. It seriously annoys me when my boxers ride up and I can feel it with every step yet stopping to adjust myself in public usually makes it look like I have stopped walking to casually fondle myself for a couple of seconds.

So two grand ideas and I am keeping the intellectual rights to them even if someone should actually work out how the hell to design them.

On a random note (unusual for this journal I know) someone stopped me in the street on sunday to ask to see my t-shirt (which was usual) but they misread it (which was unusual) and thought that I was an alcoholic who proclaimed that I also went to meetings. The t-shirt in question actually says "I am not an alcoholic, I am a drunk, alcoholics go to meetings" However the guy shook my hand and told me he was two days clean so it didn't seem like a good time to highlight the difference.

In other news there was a free bar at the party on Friday providing you had white wine...so I brought a pint anyway which will be no shock to anyone who knows me. Also there were some celebrities there it seems although it was more a thing for the girls really. Some of the cast from Dream Team were at the studio for anyone who actually knows what show that is.

I believe I have covered everything I was to talk about now so I shall take this opportunity to depart while mentioning that my name is Rich and sometimes I like to ramble.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Beatnuts, No Escapin' This

Greetings readers, minions and people who are reading this on the agreement that I never speak to them in person again.

Someone suggested that Today's title is one that I could end up using a lot, I asked if they were trying to suggest something and they said yes you are an alcoholic. I love it when people tell me things in a diplomatic and friendly way.

This was in a conversation with an old friend Danny, who shall now be referred as Ewok. This is because he's short (Yes Danny I know you are not really that short) and has enough body hair to make two sweaters and a blanket. So my advice to current parents or any future parents is thus. No matter how much of a good idea it seems at the time, DO NOT body wax your children because it will just keep on growing back until your offspring resemble cousin it. For those of you wandering what the Ewok boy actually looks like. Look for the scene in Return of the Jedi with Leia and the Ewok, he looks identical.

Anyway, Ewok aside lets move on to the events of last night which are responsible for my current state now. The party was really good, from what i can remember (which is a fair bit) I had a great time, got to meet a fair number of people and drink tons without doing something amazingly stupid. There is the possibility that I tried to gatecrash a party although I think I may have been invited to it, sadly there wasn't space in the car going so I got a taxi back home instead.

Someone did reel out a list of the shows and people that had been at the studio and I can't remember most of them now but the most famous of them, in my opinion was Tim Burton. So sadly no celebrities in sight but a lot of fun was still had and I got to meet some more of the people I work with.

Since the temp was leaving that day as well, we also had some beer during an extended lunch which was a lot of fun but can really put people off working. Still it was a very nice day all in all.

Today is the much awaited poker night with the possibility of also going to see the football since England are playing in a world cup qualifier against Austria tonight. I am stocked up with beer and have enough cash to get some pub food or takeout as needed so it should be a lot of fun. Hopefully I can win some money playing poker as well, we shall have to see how it goes. Of course the official line for the night is that I will amass immense wealth driving my friends into debt with my poker playing skill. Unofficially I am just going

Tomorrow should be the sunday dinner with carrot cake to follow which I am also looking forward to an immense amount. Then its back to work to see if my perception of events yesterday matches with the other people who were there. Weather permitting there will be a BBQ next week, I have to arrange some stuff to see if I can make that since I haven't seen Andrew in a while but I have also arranged something with Notdan and I want to catch up with him some more as well. I will have to see what i can do.

Once again it seems I have been obligated to mention Cassie, especially since she set me on edge by saying something nice about me in her journal, I wonder what she's up to. She also tricked me last night which is about as much as I am going to reveal on that subject at the moment. Anyway Cassie is pretty cool, not only that but she is pretty much the benchmark for how a ten year old spawn of Satan put on this earth to plague mankind should be. I really hope I can go visit soon.

Only one guess on the what is the situation game so far sadly. I would just like to say keep guessing (dare I say start guessing) and no Nikki, it wasn't from Sophie or Cassie and it wasn't about a sandwich.

So until the next time, my name is Rich and every so often I ramble.

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: B Boys and Flygirls, Bomfunk MC's

Greetings minions,

The last two days have been completely packed with things that mean nothing to nobody so of course I have no choice now but to share it with the rest of you for your own good.

Where to start, where to start indeed?

Housemate update (fear my poetic skill)

Since I was busy at the weekend I only managed to find out what was going on housemate wise yesterday. Emily decided to take another place before she even had the chance to meet me which I am sure she will regret in later life. James pretty much fell through and in the time it took for them to make a decision Joe found another place and moved there.

So I get this text from Vicky asking if I was interested in this thing which was pretty much the housemate finding equivalent of speed dating. I will admit right out that I thought it was going to be a little weird but I was intrigued all the same so I agreed to go. Rushing home at my usual breakneck pace we eventually head off to this thing. Chris and Gareth have decided to stay home and see people as they come to visit the house instead which is fine. Myself and and Vicky turn up 30 mins earlier and settle in at the pub, I am drinking while she isn't due to driving but I promise to behave so I don't give out a bad impression.

This thing eventually kicks off and it actually turns out to be surprisingly good. The eight or so people we met all seemed pretty normal and I think we came across well too. I find out today that of the five people we ticked, three were interested. Sadly Naomi decided she wanted to live nearer to where she worked and changed her mind. This was very very sadly since she looked really attractive but these things happen. There are two other guys whose names I currently can't remember who want to look at the place and they also seemed cool which is good for the whole going drinking and social thing. I am beginning to suspect that one of them is named Andy which would be a little freaky to say the least but we shall have to see how it goes.

Work is still pretty much the same but I am getting more used to things there now. Friday is slowly getting closer though which is the day I panic due to the upcoming work party. I am sure being drunk within reason at a work party is a perfectly normal thing, the only worry I have is that I am usually drunk without reason and three weeks in that simply isn't a good move so I have to behave.

To be honest I am usually quite good (apart from a couple times) and my Tolerance is fairly decent but I just want to be sure that I don't do anything really bad like I may have once or twice before in my younger and more foolish days which currently counts for any time period greater then three weeks from the current date at the moment.

There is also going to be a pub lunch that day as well because the temp is leaving. A friend has already suggested I could just not drink at the pub lunch and I treated that suggestion with the scorn it so rightly deserved. Speaking of the pub yesterday was also amusing when pub suggestions were going around and someone (not myself) casually suggested The Nags Head. I was aware of the existence of this pub but had chosen not to mention it during the workplace as it is 'one of those places'.

Thankfully someone else mentioning it made it ok to laugh about it and guage the reactions of other people. It was met with a lot of amusement, some laughter and stories about the two times some people had been there before. The high point of this may have been when person said, "I think its quite an artistic pub" and "You get good value for your pound". Somehow due to the majority number of women in the team I doubt we will end up there. This is good because as everyone will know I think that kind of thing is shameful and I find it morally offensive as its degrading to women...even if they do look ever so pretty.

On another slightly sexual note I was unsure weather to praise this random for their boldness or be amazed at how they took being trashy down to a new level. I stopped off in a newsagents today to look for a computer magazine (which is the story I am sticking to) and couldn't really find one I wanted to buy. As I am about to head out I see a guy next to me reading and decide to glance over, the dude is reading (well looking at) a porn mag.

This means that he has walked into a busy newsagents during the middle of the day, taken a mag from the top shelf and is just standing there reading it. It wasn't like he was even going to buy it and sneak off somewhere to do things I really don't want to think about. (not that I won't do my best to leave you all with a pleasant mental image of the things I am currently not thinking about) I was stunned completely by this and I am still not sure what to make of the whole thing. I am pretty sure it was neither the time nor the place to be up to something like that though.

This was on my way to lunch which I am about to mention now. This section will be completely pointless unless you work/live around the whitechapel area which differs it from the rest of the journal which is merely completely pointless to everyone.

So I have been looking for places to eat and I managed to find this place (even though it tried to move location on me today) called Laurintha's foodhall I believe. To be honest it wasn't as run down as I first thought and the place does an amazing double bacon cheeseburger, they were also today giving out a free apple with most orders so how can you complain really. Well anyone who knows me well enough will know that I can complain pretty much whenever I want. I ordered a chicken burger instead today and it was not up to par and actually ended up costing more then i spent last time. Given the music playing was pretty good with some Pink Floyd and stuff but to sum up today's visit I will turn to the lyrics of the legendary songstress Shania Twain "That don't impress me much".

To be honest it wasn't bad but the person at the counter when I went to pay didn't actually know what I had ordered either. I wouldn't mind if she was just there to stand at the till and look pretty but that isn't ever going to be an option for this particular woman. The previous visit was great though, Double bacon cheese, chips and a can of coke for £2.90! Amazing value!! Oh yes, the last time I was there they played the Beatles as well which was not just cool but super cool!

For those of you who wish to take a visit (I realise it will be impossible for most of you but I digress) Go down the road from Aldgate east a bit then take a right, its just over the road from Harry's bar. Truly I am a master of navigation as I have just displayed. I would also like to add then when I got lost looking for the place today (hence my belief that it moved) I saw a bijou little eaterie with some nice women sitting outside so I may have to head over there tomorrow to see what is on offer both food and female wise.

Poker night Saturday and possibly a cooked Sunday dinner on the Sunday!(strangely enough) Still not sure exactly how that is going to go but I think it will be a lot of fun, also I get to catch up with people from last week and fill in the gaps for last Saturday night.

So anyway I am pretty much done but after an amusing phone call I have come with the guess the situation game. I am going to present this quote, try and guess what the person was talking about.

"I was tempted to get a 7 inch"

Feel free to send comments or just mail me at richtboy@hotmail.com I realise I have a large silent majority here, well i assume that is the case since something of this level of quality surely can't have a readership of 5 (6 if you count Brett but Rae has to read it out to him) but the rest of you can guess, maybe twice under different names to make me look more popular then I am. After what other way apart from seeing how many livejournal comments you get is there to see how popular you are.

Anyway as an unnamed person may once have said to me "I have been busy with my fingers for too long now"

My name is Rich and I have this thing where I ramble.

Hello once again, eventful news today as I can confirm that the apparent readership has increased by a grand total of one! The recently departed (yes I know this make it sounds like he has died but he hasn't) Andy posted a comment on my journal, to be honest I didn't even know he knew about it. Thankfully I remember at all times that this is a public journal so I just think spiteful two faced comments about people instead of posting them. Anyway let's move on and talk rubbish about things of no consequence at all.

So I had a couple drinks, well to be honest I had more then a couple of drinks. Including the four cans I had before I went out (I don't usually pregame on my own but I wanted to finish up the crate) and the ton of alcohol I then drank while out with friends. I think a good time was had by all, even if I can't remember the majority of conversations I had or the names of the places we went to. I can remember Hoxton's actually but I didn't really check the name of the club we went to as we were going in. It could turn out to have been a late license pub instead of a club, who knows. I was out somewhere enjoying myself and had a fair bit to drink before disappearing again.

Now its well known that I have a tendency to vanish at points in the night, some people would say this is because I am a raging alcoholic. I am going to stick to my story of that I have bad eyesight in certain environments which makes it difficult for me to find people I know again once we have been split up. Some people would then suggest that my eyesight would be better if I wasn't so drunk which might be a valid point.

However this time I was just distracted for the majority of the night by a young woman I happened to become friends with, sadly I am missing a few minor details on the whole episode. Nothing really important just what her name was, what she looked like, how I met her and anything I might have said to her. I still had a good time but for some reason I have the feeling that nothing deep and meaningful is going to develop.

I just had to stop a moment to check my phone thinking back to a previous situation where I had to find out this girl's name by checking through my phone book to see which names I didn't recognise, sadly no new names or numbers there either. So if you were the girl I met on saturday the 28th August 2004 in a club/pub (news just in, the place was called Cargo, thank you Steve) around the old street area, I apologise for being such a complete drunk although taking the last two paragraphs into account this isn't likely to change.

In the end I paid £30 and put myself into a taxi, I know it was an expense but sometimes you are just glad to be back home. I put in some calls to Cassie and Rebecca as well since I know they just wanted to hear how drunk I was. Especially since I got to hear how drunk Rebecca was only that morning. (time zones and stuff she's not a big alcoholic....ok she is but I digress)

Come Sunday morning I have a vast almighty hangover but I am happy in the knowledge that I had a great night out, well what I can remember of it anyway. I can imagine I will behave myself now for at least a week before getting that drunk again. Not at the work party though, I need to behave there.

Aside from that I haven't done too much since the last post. Going to get myself dressed and visit some friends today to have lunch and show photos and so on. Something nice and laid back aside from the foolish amount of travel to get to their place and back. Times like this I wish I had a car, being able to drive would help as well. Even so sometimes its nice to just have chilled out days with friends, it just always seems to happen that the majority of my social activities are alcohol fuelled nights with mass hangover's in the morning.

Well this appears to be just a bit too rambling even for me so I am going to get myself cleaned up and hit the trail. On a final note, Rae, Brett, Cassiesaurus and anyone else who was thinking about it. No you can't post anonymous comments pretending to be the girl I met on Saturday! Don't even think about it

My name is Rich and I have this compulsion to ramble.

Greetings my multitude of loyal minions, its been a bit since the last post but I believe that some of you are sufficiently advanced in my teachings to go for short periods of time without my guidance and wisdom.

Or to put it another way, I am working and I have been busy, stop hassling me you bitches. Not that anyone actually has hassled me to write more but I don't see why petty things like truth and being rational should get in the way of a good journal.

Things have been pretty quiet so far as I continue to settle down into work, it hasn't been the most interesting of jobs so far but I am only coming up to the end of my second week so I can't expect too much. There is a fun atmosphere at work and I am looking forward to some of the social stuff planned. I got paid as well and it was more then I expect so maybe I won't be a pauper this month although I think I will have a lot planned so I most likely will be.

One of the reasons I am poor is the source of all blame, the Cassiesaurus (yes I know this is a blatant ripoff of the nickname she gave me but she doesn't deserve originality), I got the bill today for when I called her for an hour and twenty mins a month back on my mobile phone. It was £18 out of a £60 pound phone bill, £20 of that is for the line and my phone package so she is responsible for half of my bill. If only that was all the suffering in the world she was responsible for, curse you and your evil 10 year old demonic ways Cassiesaurus.

So back to an almost completely different subject, the social events start on Saturday with my friends 26th birthday, I had the cam on for him yesterday and he praised me for the fact that I always have my porn bed in the background of shots. I didn't actually think it was that porn but after he mentioned it I could see why, feel free to have a look and judge for yourself if you want.

This Saturday should be good, I haven't properly been out in a while and the last time was when Jennie was over which was good but very strange at the same time. Its going to be good to just hang out with friends and drink foolishly, maybe I can play some pool as well.

First I have to help someone move though unless they are starting things late in the day in which case I can't. I do want to help him out but a birthday is a birthday, especially on the bank holiday weekend which means two days to chill out after. Friday after that is the party for the closing of the film studio which I am also quite looking forward too. All in all life is pretty sweet at the moment, especially a month from now when i get a full pay packet from Workspace!

What else to ramble about, I just don't know! i still have some Naruto to watch but they are coming down from some big episodes so I suspect it will be semi quiet for the next couple weeks, also the fugitive is on tonight so I might watch that again.

Oh yes! housemates!! Andytron is moving out this weekend, I was viewing this as a bad thing until the heathen suggested that Aliens were better then Predators. I was almost stunned speechless by this preposterous suggestion (sadly for him I wasn't completley stunned speechless) and called him a filthy heathen then suggested it was a good thing he was going after speaking such filth. That was quite an amusing conversation actually but as one person goes, another arrives and just who will it be!

Today Emily the 22 year old with a masters in music came around, sadly I was at work when she did which meant I didn't get a chance to see how she was. However my current vote is going towards a woman moving into the house because I think it would be nice, either that or I am a dirty lecher but I think once someone is actually in the house they are off limits. This isn't even taking into the account that like most women she could have no attraction to me whatsoever, I don't understand why this could possibly be but it does happen from time to time. Could be time to start working on a toned figure to match my charismatic intellect and razor sharp humour, not to mention my innate modesty of course.

Other contenders are James who is a personal trainer and seems cool, he would be good for the whole keep fit stuff so that would be an advantage and Joe who seems fairly laid back and would be cool but just not as cool as the other two.

Yes I realise I skimmed over the two men and wrote a fair section on a woman I have not seen and may not even like, its the result of an affliction I suffer from called being male.

I should find out on Saturday so I hope its before I leave the house to do stuff and then they should move in next week and we shall have to see how that goes. I am trying to spend more time in the frontroom though since I do need to be more social, people on the internet keep on demanding my time though! I say demanding, in some cases I just ramble at them and they respond through pity I suspect.

No Brett that last sentence doesn't apply to you blitch, get ready for some mass pwning on both star wars battle front and rome: total war. If the sims 2 was multiplayer I would slap you around on that as well, lucky for you it isn't.

So my dinner is almost cooked, the film starts soon and the weekend is rapidly approaching, life is good.

my name is Rich and apparently I ramble

Well apparently this is how I am, if you know me and disagee, let me know

Greetings once again, work is taking its toll so journal entries while still being fairly regular are going to still be less frequent then they were. Since I am only up to my 6th or so entry and I have a readership of three (it was four but one person is on holiday) this isn't really a a piece of news that anyone has a real need to know. Still I live in the conviction that there is a vast silent hoard out there, reading my journal, taking in the wisdom I provide and using it to enhance their own lives. I think some of the desperate ones are even reworking my anecdotes and pretending its their own material but that is one of the major worries in almost all cases when you are a modest, highly attractive, modest comic genius who is very modest.

So allow me to pause for a second while I take another bite from my toast and we can commence for today. Are you sitting quietly children? I prefer not to have any interruptions once I start.

The new job is on its second day and going very well. I have already had one social non alcoholic lunch and a couple of people go home from the same station as me which means they have to leave when I am not looking or just walk very fast. This hasn't been the case so far meaning they get to be social instead which I just know they enjoy... at least I think that look in their eyes is pleasure but it might also be fear. I still don't have my own proper desk yet, but that should be coming soon and the work is slowly going to get more involved so while I am not doing too much at the moment its going to pick up.

I think one of the things that made me realise I did the right thing was when one of the guys in the team I am in asked our manager about Rumania, specifically wolves. The exact question was actually along the lines of, are there a lot of wolves in Rumania and will they ambush me. Needless to say I was highly amused at this and shortly after that informed him that they hung around in gangs looking for tourists as he suspected.

I also had a call that I think was from the agency today in regards to the other job. I couldn't really talk about it in the office or answer my phone and then walk out so I just hung up without answering which should have put it through to the answerphone. I didn't receive any answerphone message or a call later in the day. So they might not be contacting me back there and to be honest I think I would have told them no anyway since I don't really want to leave where I am.

So a highly work related entry today but Rae will hit me if I mention her and the bikes and I am most likely going to receive violence for that comment in itself. I hope you and Brett are having a nice time though Rae.

Cassie I am not a slut. (as you called everyone on your friends list) I prefer to think of my self as just being very very easy but I do have some standards!

I am undecided as to which of the people I know should receive the biggest mention in my next journal, please leave comments or emails stating your name and why you should and I will do what I can. Please remember that the star of this journal is me though so be happy with what you get once I finish talking about myself.

Also congrats to Claire who most of you won't know anyway who got a £15 an hour temp job for the next six months or so today. I just hope she doesn't spend it all on alcohol bless her.

Until the next time, Average guy + Rambling buffoon = Rich's Rambles, guaranteed to damage your braincells within five entries.

I just thought I would look at this, it seems I am not the most trusting of people, maybe its the company I keep *coughcassiespawnofthedevilcough*

Greetings once again loyal readers, today finds my in a state where I am neither drunk or hungover which is most unexpected. I had planned to go out drinking with Andy but his phone was switched off. This suggests that he was trying to ditch me but I don't really think that is the case. So instead I got some pizza in and chilled out at home. I will casually ask him today about it with a subtle yet probing question along the lines of "Why didn't you have your phone on yesterday whore" which should clear the situation up in a calm and diplomatic manner.

Now this would actually constitute the only thing of interest that has happened but if we could just take a look at the name of the journal please, yes that's right its called Rich's Ramblings. Therefore I have no choice but to talk for another ten or so paragraphs although on the upside I am a literary genius so the more I write the better. Did I mention that I was modest as well?

Anyway its been a good week off more or less, a lot of relaxing was done as well as less drinking then I expected which means I can save money, once I rework the finances out anyway. Tomorrow I start at Workspace and assuming things go to plan I should be there for the next two years. The Telegraph group have not actually told me no, but they have someone they really want to see on tuesday. I informed my agent that they were welcome to get back to me but in all likelihood, once I started at Workspace I would not be leaving. So there would have been potentially more money at The Telegraph group but I think I am going to be quite happy here and of course the studies have to start soon which changes everything.

Study wise I still don't know exactly what I want to do, I think its something I should check out today really and I will try and find time to ask about it at work as well. One way or the other I will be starting a CIMA or an ACCA in september and it could involved weekend studying which would be a bitch. But if I want to have a good career with a lot of money then its something that has to be done.

Now it seems that since I have started these random entries, the readership has been kicking up a fuss. They have this strange idea that my journal should actually be about them and not myself. Only recently I subscribed to this complete madness and lied in as expansive a fashion as possible about Cassie's good points, not that I am saying she doesn't have any just that I could have listed them all in one paragraph as opposed to six. Bearing that in mind though, if I took that approach to all my writing the journal would be named Rich's short yet insightful comments which it is not. Also Sophie, being female does not count as being a good point any more then being male does, as for aussie girls being better...maybe but I am not fully convinced on that yet.

So after reading my journal, (which was impressive because I thought he couldn't read, maybe Rae read it to him or something) Brett has now mentioned that he is far more deserving of a list of his good points then Cassie is and that it would make for great reading because everyone wants to know how fantastic he is. I could admire arrogance on that level if only I didn't surpass it on a daily basis while still retaining an air of modesty. So I may include something about him in my rambles but only if I have run out of material on my favourite subject which is myself.

On that note I think I have said enough for the moment, a shorter ramble then usual today because I am sure I will want to talk for far too long about the job tomorrow. I have to investigate the food situation in the house now since I have a sneaking suspicion that I might have to go out and get some which us just far too much hassle. Until the next time loyal readers, my name is Rich and I Ramble

Greetings loyal readers,

I apologise for not leaving you an entry yesterday, for the masses of you that are now reading my journal, these entries about my life and how interesting it is must now exist as the high point of your day if not your lives. Bereft of my wisdom and knowledge for twenty four or more hours must have been harsh for you. However I am back once again to guide you through your lives with my amusing yet insightful anecdotes.

Either that or I accept what for lack of a better term I will call 'The realistic view' in that no one really knows who I am or cares anyway and the only person who really benefits from this is myself as it encourages me to write. If only it encouraged me to write well but one step at a time I say.

So after that interesting piece of rambling lets move straight on to the subject line. Yesterday I got pretty drunk, I had a good time and conducted myself quite well but I also got pretty drunk. I did manage to fall asleep on one train but thankfully it didn't take me too far out of the way so I just turned around and went back. It was good to see Blue again and in some ways it can actually be quite nice to just sit down with a woman and be able to relax and enjoy yourself without trying to work out if they are interested or not. Thus allowing me to not worry about the whole range of embarrassments, emotions and awkwardness that can more commonly be referred to as relationships or trying to pull.

I got to see Blue's place which is quite cool, stayed there for a bit and then made my way back home to eventually pass out (this time without leaving my cam on so another unfortunate could experience bedcam) and wake up the next morning with the now standard hangover. I hate hangovers, I hate working with hangovers and the whole process of suffering through them. I have to balance this out however with the fact that I enjoy drinking, I always say though that if you choose to do it then you pay the price afterwards so I doubt today will be the last hangover I have.

In other news I had great feedback over my interview yesterday, so I will find out tomorrow one way or another and then decide what to do but things are currently swinging towards workspace. My old financial controller said I should work my up through companies of various sizes and I don't know if I completely agree with that. Yes you do get more achievers in bigger companies but you also get more turnover and more opportunities. I also feel that the fact that there will be achievers shouldn't intimidate me. After all I have just as much right to be an achiever as they do and as its now work related I am determined enough to do whatever I can to impress (by actually being impressive mind, brown nosing doesn't suit me too well).

I must again say though that Workspace is looking to be a great company, if I stay there two years (if not longer) I will have a really good experience base and should be most of the way through my studies. So I still don't really know and I guess it depends on the call I get tomorrow, but right now Workspace is the most likely choice.

On a complete random note, spiders! I live in England, we get spiders but they are not usually that big. Today I saw the corpse (I am greatful it was dead at the time) of one of the biggest spiders I have ever seen in this country (without it being in a zoo) It was vast, with eyes of terrible fury and pincers of great malice and sharpness, I faced down my enemy and prayed that I would prevail against such a powerful beast. Well I would have apart from the fact that it was already dead, I uttered a few expletives while commenting on the size of the creature and then retreated to a place of safety just in case it was only playing dead. Thankfully the creature has now been removed from the house and we can rest easy again.

I realise this has nothing to do with anything at all but I just had to mention the sheer size of the thing (I give it a day before this sentence is taken out of context and used against me in an amusing way).

Rae should be on her way to see Brett now, so she will finally pick up her photos and hat, although she paraphrased my tag line on her live journal the fiend so I don't know if she is present worthy anymore. I know she likes being mentioned though so I tried to shoehorn in something despite the fact that she hasn't really done anything of interest.

Speaking of other friends, (I use the term friends loosely, people I am nice to so they don't hunt me down might be closer in this case) Cassie presented some constructive criticism about my journal only recently. She basically suggested that my journal would be a lot better if there was less talk about myself and more praising of herself. I suggested that surely a beautiful, intelligent and talented woman like herself didn't need praise (well maybe not in those exact words, if pushed I may even go so far as to say I said nothing at all that could even allude to the last sentence) but she insisted that what I really needed to do was list her good points and talk about each one as much as possible.

I asked what her good points were, since the only one I know is that she is a creature of great evil thus making the rest of us look a lot nicer then we actually are. She kindly presented me with a summarized list of these points for me to mull over. I will list the ones I can remember.

1. She's Australian

Well I wouldn't call this a good thing but neither would I call it a bad thing. It means she has a nice accent but it seems that in almost all cases apart from possibly germany and belgium, that people in countries which are not your own have nice accents. A lot of people like my accent when I always feel I sound like a fruit and veg salesman. Still accent wise Cassie gets praise, for living so damn far away she doesn't.

2. She's hilarious

I have to admit that Cassie is amusing, sometimes I even go so far as to smirk for an extended period of five seconds after some of the jokes and comments she has made. Of course being in contact with a comic genius like myself has helped her to become more amusing although she has a long way to go to match my level of wit, humour and modesty.

3-4. I realise I am now setting myself up for trouble but I forgot, these things happen especially when I am focusing on drinking and drinking related events such as I was yesterday. I would just like to mention that point four is actually that she has great taste in music. I would agree with this but she appears to dislike pink, britney spears and shania twain which suggests the statement about great taste can't be true. Either that or I am just a really sarcastic bastard at times. Sorry Cass

5. Her personality blows people away.

Well choosing my words carefully here, i will have to say that I do manage to tolerate Cassie's prescence without looking for heavy objects to bludgeon myself with to provide the merciful break from conversation that a blackout would give me. If I was really pushed on the matter I could possibly under duress be forced to say that I enjoy chatting to Cassie but that gets a little too close to being complimentary and as we know from previous entries (don't tell me you haven't read it) its still far too close to the last time I was nice to someone to do it again.

So I feel that now Cassie has received at least six more paragraphs then she deserves I can consider the Cassie praise book closed for this entry. On that note I feel that it might time to look for a witty way to put my closing line in and allow you time to consider the scientific and philosophical issues I have brought forward in anecdote form today.

My name is Rich and once again, I have rambled

Well once again I have decided to blather on about subjects which are of great interest to me and most likely no interest to anyone else. That being said I am sure a core of faithful readers are out there waiting for the pearls of wisdom hidden with my anecdotes and ramblings. If you look hard enough they are there.........honest.

Since I have this strange habit of using a title that has some relevance to what I am talking about, I suppose I should get down to the core part of today's journal.

As mentioned I am starting a new job on monday, today I get a call from an agency who had last spoken to me three or so weeks back asking if I could go to an interview. I at first say no but I do take into consideration the possibility that they will offer me more money. The recruitment agent, being the sly fox that most recruitment agents are, tries to talk me around into just going to an interview anyway and does quite a good job of it before giving me time to think about it and make a decision when she calls back.

Now the position is with the Telegraph group, quite a large newspaper group, (Circulation in the uk from DEC 03 to MAY 04 on The Daily Telegraph was 871,356. I know someone out there wanted to know that fact) they are also based in Canary Wharf which is just a beautiful looking office area. This is professional stuff with professional people in a nice area and I could be part of it even if in a junior position.

Workspace look to be a fantastic company, they are looking to double their value in four years and as part of the company I could have an opportunity to go somewhere in a rapidly developing business. All the newspaper reports I have been reading on them today look great.

So this boils down to a question between going to an up and coming company in Whitechapel or a very large established company in Canary Wharf (providing they actually make an offer) and I don't really know what to do. I am also in the fantastic situation of having a job offer no matter how this interview goes, not only that but The Telegraph Group finance team will know this meaning I won't have to wait around ages to find out if I have a yes or no answer.

I have been told to go the interview since I have nothing to lose and everything to gain yet for some reason I feel strangely nervous and to be honest I have no idea why. So tomorrow is going to be interesting anyway and I have no idea what I am going to do should an offer be made. I doubt I will be moving to the new company for an extra grand more though since it doesn't make to much difference in the paypacket.

Having realised that nothing amusing has been said for the last few paragraphs I am going to move on now. Although to be fair the journal is called Rich's Ramblings, don't assume at any point this is about anyone else but me.

Of course when I type the word me I am apparently making a typo and actually mean Cassie. Easy enough to make again according to Cassie and she has forgiven me for it. So apparently this journal is all about her and not actually me (although if we take the typo rule into effect then that reads that this journal is all about her and not actually cassie. Confusion will now commence)

So I will start with saying that as I have mentioned vast amounts of times before (not on here though) I would really like to go to australia. Every time I talk to someone though they add on an extra week of time to the minimum holiday time required, if I don't leave soon I end up having to live there and nobody really wants that to happen. London may be a rainy dreary city at times but it my rainy dreary city and everyone should just come over to visit me instead so we can wrap up warm and take afternoon tea while saying "By jove" and "Crikey"

However I really want to go but the flight is damn expensive and I need to get my studies started up, plus most new companies won't give you holiday for the first three months. Yet I am somehow going to plan this for as soon as possible, I am hoping Cassie can fund some of the costs with the money she makes from her bread stealing ring.

There are other trips I would like to plan but I only have so much holiday time and having already done a week in New York and a weekend in Paris this year I can't really complain if I don't take another holiday. But as mentioned I would like to go over to OZ if only to act superior as only a pom can and see who suffers from liver failure first, myself or Cass.

The drinking starts tomorrow! but I have to have an interview and then go find my grad certificate to send to the agency for some reason or other meaning that I am suddenly busy again on my week off.

I just wanted to chill out, play games and get drunk, but the man just keep on getting on my back. I don't know who the man actually is but I am only a slim guy and his excess weight isn't good for me. Dropping out of a tree onto my back whenever I leave the house isn't getting him into my good books either. Uh oh, I just heard the alarm bells of the inane crap detector going off, it means its time to sign off before I type something really stupid although it could be too late.

Tune in tomorrow for another thrilling ramble, possibly with added alcoholic drunk effect (I hope not but knowing me its likely) My name is Rich and as you have just seen, I ramble

Greetings once again readers, I realise that I should leave reasonable gaps between entries, so you can take in and ponder the lessons and knowledge passed on to you every time I write but I am bored so its ramble time again.

As the heading says, what do you do with a week of free time. This relates to the current situation I am in. I start work on the 16th of August, I finished work on the 6th August. I now have a week where I can relax but can't really go on holiday. Well I could but I don't want to pay for one at the moment since as I would like to reveal in the following profound statement, holidays are expensive. Its nice to know I always mention something of earth shattering significance like that at least once a paragraph.

So today has been pretty lazy, I chatted to Cassie for a bit which is good because with the whole time difference thing I normally go to sleep as she gets up for work and I get up for work just as she finishes for the day. So this cycles around and we're both busy providing less opportunities to chat and/or insult each other. Full time employment can be a bugger at times but I have to earn my beer money somehow.

Speaking of beer money I am going to need it this week, one thing I am taking advantage of is the fact I have no work which means I can just suffer my hangovers at home. According to the current plan (schedule to change) I can go out wednesday, thursday and saturday, I might just throw in friday so as not to break the chain. Expensive? yes, wise? I doubt it, but to be honest I deserve it with the new job coming up.

Well done to anyone making it down this far, I praise you for your determination while making snide remarks about your common sense.

Here I am going into super ramble mode, where I am just going to talk about stuff that has no link at all to anything previously written. Coherency isn't always a good thing though.

Rae!

After my last entry a certain somebody kindly worded a comment to me requesting a mention, the young lady in particular was so eloquent and charming that I felt instantly moved to write about her in my next entry. Bearing in mind who we are talking about here, doing something ten plus hours after I decided to do it qualifies for instantly moved.

So Rae is this really cool person I know, who should soon be going to see Brett who is just this person I know, any cool factor he has is derived from him seeing Rae. However he has the CD of the photos taken while in Paris which are still good even if they are not up to my usual photo standard. I think the problem was that I was sober when I took most of the photos. The drunk ones always seem to come out much better for reasons unknown to me.

Anyway she's been wanting to see those for a while know since we were in Paris back in April which was a while back now. So she gets to see them when she goes to visit Brett and will also get to pick up the detective hat I brought her. Hopefully the hat will give her a new look since the whole miss marple thing isn't good for a girl her age. I hope that reference actually makes sense to anyone outside of England but I can't be bothered to write anything else.

I am going to finish up now since I have included Rae as requested, in closing I would like to note that she was the first person lucky enough to see bedcam which is less sordid then it sounds. In one tremendously exciting moment I moved a hand while asleep, truly I am a born entertainer, even when asleep.

More then enough typed for now and I think the old brain is sending signals to the hands that its time to stop typing inane crap now. My name is Rich and I Ramble, this must be apparently obvious by now.